The Weight of It All

I am in the midst of another quarter life crisis that most people may or may not relate to. Don’t get me wrong- there are a lot of great things going on in my life. I have a great family, great friends, great boyfriend and a great house. The list goes on and on. And really I should stop and just be so appreciative of what I have in this life. This morning, as if the universe knew, a message popped up on social media. It said ” wake up and be grateful. For life and for breath, for nothing is guaranteed in this world.” As hippy as that sounds, it has some truth to it. I should just stop and be grateful for all that I have and accept my life as it comes.

Yet I have chosen a very hard path for myself in this life. And chosen is the key word here. Some people have a hard path that was not chosen nor wanted by them, yet they still have to keep moving forward. I chose the path I am on so, in a certain way, I have no room to complain. In many ways, we all create our own destinies. If you don’t like the life you live, then change it. You have no one to blame for your unhappiness except for you (I had to throw that Wilson Phillips line in there, Bridesmaids anyone?)
Lately, I have been really unhappy. Why you ask, when you have such supportive people in your life and such great things to look forward to? Well my job has become a huge weight on my shoulders. I spend the majority of my day at my job and then the majority of the time afterwards stressing out and being depressed.
I am not sure if categorizing what I do as a “job” is correct when I co-own and run my own company. It’s hard and most days I want to just give up. Lately the feeling has become so strong that I fantasize about what my life would be like without all of the debilitating stress.  I am literally making myself sick on a consistent basis because of all of the stress. So as I sit here and write this I wonder-is it all worth it? Will the company someday, far in the future, succeed? Or am I just working in vain?
I suppose that is the hardest part about being a business owner. You pour everything you have into your company without knowing whether it will succeed. Its a hard pill to swallow and sometimes the weight of it all is. just. too. much.

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