You’ll have to excuse my horrible use of Titanic analogies…. my relationship communication skills really are that bad.
My last few years of dating history (hmph…mishaps) have been chronicled here on this blog so if you haven’t kept up with it….don’t worry you didn’t miss much. I’ve been in a serious relationship for the past year and a half now and I am consistently amazed at:
1. how much I learn as time goes by
2. how bad I am at relationships
3. how difficult it is to be in a relationship (for me anyways)
I am horrible at expressing my feelings and until this point in my life, my communication shortcomings have not interfered with my personal relationships. I am stunningly good at concealing my emotions, keeping people at distance and speaking only when I have something to gain. All of these qualities have served me well in the business world, they are the recipe to any good contract negotiation and I really excel at contract negotiation. But when it comes to navigating the waters of relationship communication, my boat usually sinks in the most dramatic fashion (think Titanic).
Anyways the Titanic boat that is my relationship is nearing the iceberg and I need it to steer clear. Basically I need to communicate my feelings, emotions, thoughts and general moods better to my boyfriend. He feels like he is in love with a wall, a sort-of emotionally impenetrable one. I am totally in tune with my own thoughts and emotions about things but I do realize that he is not a mind reader and I need to speak these things out loud. But it’s just hard for me & I have no idea why. I want to say these things out loud but when I try my mouth doesn’t form any words. It gives me actual anxiety just thinking about it.
To be fair, I’ve always been like this. It’s not that I don’t like communicating with my boyfriend, it’s just the way that I am. But, I do realize that it needs to change for the better if I have any chance of saving this relationship/ being in any successful adult relationship. I am able to make girl-friends quite easily. They do tell me that I am emotionless and a bit closed off but somehow that has never effected my friendships. I am 26 years old and I’ve had the same best friends for 21 years now. I have an impressive list of long-standing friendships (#squadgoals) But I also have a ridiculous list of ex-boythings to which the relationship has crashed and sank very badly.
If I think back to the past two relationship-things (before my current one), both could have been fixed/avoided/smoothed out if my communication skills had been a tad more on point. Then again, the boythings did’t really make too much of an effort to communicate with me either so I’ll call both a wash. Moving on.
The current boyfriend really loves me and I love him too, hence why I am dissecting this and taking any possible suggestions.
Side note: Titatic wound up rusting on the bottom of the ocean, alone. I really hope my relationship doesn’t do the same….