But Like, He Didn’t Go to Harvard

So, as you all know I’ve started “dating” someone, let’s call him T-Man. (see:If I’m Being Honest) And from that post we can all tell that I really like this kid. We’ve been “dating” for about two months now. Nothing official. He’s not my boyfriend or anything. It’s leading to a relationship as far as I can tell. We haven’t actually talked about any of this BTW, for all I know I could be feeling all of this by myself.


On paper, he doesn’t make sense. Resume-wise he wouldn’t get the job. It’s hard to explain him to my friends because honestly, he doesn’t sound that great when you ask the typical questions. “So where does he work, what are his goals in life, where did he go to college, where does he live….” None of those questions have a good response in his case. So I’m weary to answer them.  And in turn, my friends question his worth.

I feel like I am defending him and it’s only been two months. But when I really stop to think about it, why do I even feel the need to defend him? Who cares where he works. Or where he went to college. Or that he’s in his mid-twenties and he hasn’t figured out what he wants to do with his life. Why do my friends feel the need to tie his worth as a person to his job? I had two separate friends each tell me “I like T-Man but like what are his goals in life?” As if his goals define whether he’s good enough to be with me. And frankly that pisses me off. I know they mean well but is that honestly the only thing they care about? Neither asked how I feel about him or how he treats me. As if those come secondary to his career and resume.

(Side note: T-Man is a respectable person. He’s not some drug-dealing, tattooed thug. He comes from a great family and he’s a really good person. But nobody stopped to ask that about him.)

I guess what I am trying to get at is, in the end what is more important? (Take love out of the equation right now because it’s still too early.) He cares about me, asks about my day, makes sure that I am always doing okay, he compliments me, he makes me feel beautiful, & he makes me laugh. He thinks about me when we aren’t together, he tells his friends and family about me, he always includes me, he honest with me, he tells me his fears, he kisses me on the forehead, and he talks about the future. We have really great chemistry and everything is comfortable with him.

At the same time he’s 25 and hasn’t finished college. He doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. He lives at home still. He works at a sporting goods store. He doesn’t own a car.

But are those things even important? I know he won’t be living at home forever. I know he will finish college and get a career. I know he’s going to buy a car. I know because he talks about these things. He talks about what he wants his life to look like. I know all of these things will change.

But what won’t change is who he is as a person. I hope he’s always kind, and he always thinks about me, and that he always kisses me on the forehead. I hope that every day that we’re together, he makes me laugh. And I think these things are more important than where he goes to work every day.

My friends (society) need to stop placing so much emphasis on money and career.  Someone’s job/resume/how much they make isn’t as important as who they are as a person or how they treat you (at least to me anyways).

One Comment Add yours

  1. I definitely agree with you here! I think the way he makes you feel is way more important than whether or not he has everything together at 25. We’ve been fed this narrative where people make all the right steps and do everything in a certain order, and if they don’t, then they aren’t worthy of attention. But that’s not right. Plenty of people take longer to figure out what they want, and I’d rather be with someone who takes that extra time to find his real “dream” or goal than be with someone who gets into a career because it’s what he was told he should do when he’s ultimately miserable. It would be nice if guys were always the total package, but I think if you emphasize all of the good qualities he seems to have, your friends will get over his “lack of goals.” What’s important is how he treats you and how you two feel, not anyone else, but I know that’s easier advice to give than behaviors to put into action! Good luck! 🙂

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