Quarter Life Crisis (or something like it)

So don’t you just love chick flicks? The long overplayed story. Girl meets boy. Girl and boy fall for each other. Some kind of conflict happens. Girl and boy get ripped apart. They realize they can’t live without each other. Cue romantic kiss. And then they live happily ever after.

Well today I did something that I haven’t done in a long time. I cried because of a chick flick. No I’m not overly emotional. I’m just having a casual quarter life crisis. Two years early. In my opinion a quarter life crisis really starts around the time you get your college diploma and doesn’t end until _________? (I’ll let you know when I get there.)

But the realization that I was in the middle of my quarter life crisis was when I started to cry during the middle of a movie. It was during the scene where the girl and boy fall for each other. They had a cute night of just making out then cuddling and the girl had to leave in the morning. As she rushes out the door she stops runs back to the guy and kisses him goodbye. Then they do a close up to his face and he smiles. One of those “I have butterflies in my stomach and I am simply happy to be alive in this moment” type of smile. And then the uncontrollable tears started.

Because I remember that smile. It hasn’t happened to me in a long time but I’ve had some killer smile moments in my life. Getting asked to prom senior year with a balloon floating outside my window with the word “prom?” on it. Having someone drive 200 miles to give me sunflowers and otter pops when I had my wisdom teeth removed. Realizing that the boy that I met when I was 10 years old was a man who I could fall in love with. Visiting me in Europe for a week so he could see a place very special to me. Experiencing that first highly anticipated kiss and having that kiss last all night. Opening your front door to a boy holding a rose simply to say he was thinking about you. Having him tell you that for forever you’ll be the best, no matter what. And waking up to someone you love.

And after the montage of memories, I remembered how lonely I was. I used to think I was okay with being alone. I used to think that I didn’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. I used to think that all of my friends who were getting married were crazy. But now I am starting to understand their madness.

It sucks to wake up alone. It sucks to not have anyone to do the small stuff with. It sucks to not be able to share my thoughts and fears with someone I know will put them away in his heart. And suddenly the thought of being alone scares the living daylight out of me. I’m generally happy. But I have my moments of weakness. Who doesn’t anyways?

So I guess my quarter life crisis looks something like this: I’ve failed to meet the man of my dreams in college. While all of my friends are getting married and moving in with their mates, I live at home. The longest relationship I’ve ever been in lasted a whole year and a half. I’m adverse to commitment and the entire idea of spending my life with one person. I think marriage an overinflated concept that our society places too much importance on. I work more than I think is healthy for someone my age. My dreams of becoming CEO leave little room for the other things I want out of life.

I once heard someone say “He can talk all he wants about a regular life. But some men aren’t meant to be happy. They’re meant to be great.”

I sound full of myself. Or maybe just full of shit. I can’t decide these days.

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